Reviving the Writing Dead

Somewhere a long the lines a very, very long time ago I realized that I no longer cared as much as I used to about writing. I used to be a very avid blogger connecting with friends from all over the world and enthusiastically pounding away at a keyboard revealing the workings of my inner psyche. I'm not exactly sure when it became less of a passion and more of a career-driven idea. And thus is my underlying problem.

I think the moment I took the step from writing for fun to writing for academic purposes I lost my will to write for the love of just writing. I lost the drive to dedicate myself to a craft I enjoyed for leisure and I started looking at it as more of a practical, money-making tool. So I stopped writing and I stopped blogging because it became like excess homework to which I had no desire to complete because it wasn't assigned a due date. Life always has an expiration date but we always assume, pretentiously, it's good until the next day.

I look back and now so much of my life has changed that I wish I had documented whether with pictures or with words. Worldly events that mattered to me, plays I loved, movies and books I enjoyed, friends and family I spent time with, romantic relationships I have encountered, all these like tectonic plates shift under me redesigning the ground I step on causing me to readjust to each step. I used to want to grasp at these precious memories as if they were a reflection in a lake I couldn't hold. Now I let the drops fall where they may and hardly recognize myself as I brave myself to look down into the water.

I feel I've lost all sense of writing as a passion. No motivation. No desire.

But when I force myself to reach for a pen or stretch my fingers over some keys it amazes me how fluidly it returns. It's as if I never abandoned it. It's as if I never stopped. It always startles me how easy the words come, the memories surface, and the reflexes in my hands drive on obsessively.

So even if I seemingly have lost my motivation to write, writing, it seems, has never given up on me. And that's refreshing because I want to embrace it like I used to. I want to be back in the arms of words and the comfort of my memories. I want to document things precious to me before it slips like hot sand through my fingers into the hourglass of life.

It's good to be back. I'm going to sit down and force the love of writing out of me and in the end I think we'll both better off. It will ultimately be for the best....