Has The Lion Lost it's Teeth?

An old expression my mom used to use. She's from Trinidad and they have the wittiest phrases. She kind of annoyed me tonight. I was a bit depressed and upset about a bunch of things. I'm stressed, and smoking more, and I got hit on by a fairly attractive gothic gay girl last night who insisted I was gay and was quite agressive. "No one is f***ing with you tonight." she said as she approached me from behind in the seat I was sitting in last night at the gay club trying to ignore her. She wrapped her arms around me, gave me a smooch and walked away before my slowly responsive drunk ass could protest. It was flattering if not awkward, but if I were gay she'd kind of scare me.

Kyle admitted he loved me but couldn't be with me cuz he was gay. "I don't know what I'd do without you in my life. You're seriously the most awesome person ever and I think about you, like all the time. If I were gay I'd totally go out with you."

"Well, thank you. I'm not sure how to take that."

He hugged me. Twice his head landed on my boob.

"Your head is on my boob."

"It's ok. I'm gay."

".........ok if you say so."

I had had about 2 very strong cranvodkas that night. We all got pretty much plastered.
An hour later me, him, L.Ziggy and Mylez hit the dance floor gyrating each other in a drunken mad frenzy.

So the events of Thursday night were needless to say interesting and I got hit on by my first lesbian. I felt it was worth blogging.

Now on to the subject of this title. Obviously, my bi-polar mind had quite a bit to think about and adjust to along with a lingering hangover. The first call I got this morning my mother and I got into another argument which I no longer remember specifically what about (they occur so frequently they become a blur) but ultimately I ended up having to go get her bank card and drive it down to a restaurant where she was having a luncheon with potential clients. Grumbling the whole way to myself in the car, I got there and she decided she wanted to talk over some sushi.

Damn her and her knowledge of my weaknesses. She discussed getting me a life insurance plan and how she met clients my age who had 1 at 21 and had thousands of tax-free dollars to spend and take out a loan on. I gawked.

"I could do it for you. But you need to quit smoking for at least 2 years or the premium would be high."

Ah, the catch.

"It shows up in your urine for up to two years. If you smoked pot it wouldn't be considered a fatal factor." she continued.

I raised my eyebrows. Where was she going? That I should replace my cancer agent with another type of drug?

"But I believe that pot burns brain cells. Still if you were back on your anti-depressants like Wellbutrin because they find that people who take those meds tend not to smoke."

Dramatic pause.

"I don't like the meds," I said, "I don't like the way they make me feel. He tried 3 different types at 3 different levels each. Even with Wellbutrin the side-effects weren't as severe but I felt like crying at times for no reason at all. I don't want to be on them anymore."

"But you said they were working before. They were helping you with school."

"And they were but after awhile I just felt over-emotional about everything for no reason. "

We went into a discussion about the gum and patch, I argued it didn't work. She stated my friends smoke and do I think I can quit cold turkey, I admitted they did and I could quit but part of me doesn't want to so I don't set my mind to it and continue to do it. She assimilated it with her dieting experience and wanting to work out, blah blah blah. Then she gave me that cocked-head-to-the-side-worried look I hate where she purses her mouth into a half smile with worry and pity in her eyes.

I hate that look.

Much drama ensued throughout the day.

Finally, she came back talking about how she wanted to quit her job. I kind of ignored her. Only because my mother NEVER talks about quitting anything. Her perseverance is amazing. I browsed the net and tried to start a convo about Sandra Bullock's 45 yr old stalker trying to run Jesses James over with her car. She seemed annoyed. I was annoyed. So I went out and drank till I was just sober enough to drive home. I started crying on my way back. Not really sure why at first but then I realized how serious this could be. I came back home and told her we needed to talk.

"I've never heard you ever say 'quit' so I guess at first I was ignoring it." I said, "But you are the most intelligent person I know. Whenever I come to you about things I've learned you'll give me the whole history. At first, I find it rather upsetting cuz I find this great piece of knowledge and you don't seem impressed." I half joked.

"I'm not the smartest person. You're just saying that because you're young." she said.

"But it is true. I know you don't believe me. Anyone can ask you any question about anything and you'll know so much. I always think if I have at least 1/3 of your knowledge I'd be so well off. But to see you this way, a very intelligent woman who graduated from Boston University. No stable parent in your life that ever showed you encouragement or approval. You just went out and did it. And you succeeded."

"Well I'm not going to let one person affect how I do in life." she replied.

"Yeah but if that person is a parent, I mean like your mom, it's got to affect you. I mean, you alway try to encourage me. Even when I talk about Japan or whatever the case may be you still encourage me to do and try things. It's because of you I try so hard to do well in school at all. If you were to just quit over one bad day, I feel like then the world wouldn't give me much of a chance. You really inspire me to get out there and try. I have never seen you want to quit anything when it got hard. Even when you worked with The Children's Home (a place where kids are put in as wards of the state, kind of a juvenille delinquent place) when those kids threatened violence and cursed at you and tried to abuse you every way possible, you hung in there. You ministered to them, you helped them, you made an impact. And all these people that contributed time and money into you because they believed you could do this job, mom. It's all about perception. You know that."

We talked a little more about stuff. She seemed to feel a bit better and I relieved. We joked about a few things then went to bed.

My mother is an amazing woman. Even though we have our differences I made it a point to tell her that even though I don't always take her advice I do listen and think about it.

I think we'll both be all right.