With Love, Signed Sarcasm

I find my mind is oozing with more and more sarcasm these days. I seem to be making more and more friends from it though I'm not sure why. I crack racial stereotypical jokes at myself, my friends, my family even. People seem to love it and think I'm awesome. I'm not trying to brag or come off conceited. Seriously, these are first words coming out of new people I've met lately "Ohmigod, you're awesome!" I have yet to offend anyone. I wish I could. Then it would spark some type of confrontation. A good debate even. Maybe I'm just feeling aggressive cuz Aunt Flow's visiting right now.

I was talking to an online friend who is an amazing writer and whose blog I've been reading for a good 5+ years give or take. She's 28 in CA, and a free-lance journalist, a little unsure in the department of love, but smart as hell. She was stumbling back between liking this guy and blaming herself.

"I feel a chunk of it is my fault." she IM'ed. "That I was too neurotic and needy."

"Being neurotic and needy is part of being in relationships." I replied, "you're always going to wonder about things and crave affection from the other person. i don't think you're needy. i think you know what you want deep down but can't seem to find it so it's making you nervous in wondering if you'll ever find it"

"I feel the same way" I said.

"Wow, that totally hit the nail on the head." she said.

More and more we got into conversation about the world, worry, life, love, and work.

"That's so weird." she said. "You're saying all these things that I've had conversations about in the past few days.... almost verbatim."

"Well, I guess that's confirmation then. Either that or I'm your long lost sibling with more of a tan." I joked

Having never been in a real relationship, I sometimes feel a bit silly trying to give relationship advice to someone. I feel like I don't know how it really is so that I'm missing some important factor that people will say "Oh. She doesn't really understand." but everytime I give the advice people take it for sound.

"I've seen enough of the ups and downs to get the gist of it." I argued my stance, more for myself really. "it's easy to tell when somethings feels right or wrong. People know too. They just choose not to listen to their gut. They overthink it way more than they should."

I'm not sure if I was of any help to her, but I hoped she was ok afterwards. She seemed rather down.

I find my brain is best at picking others. Sometimes better than trying to decipher what's in my own mind. I sit down and think about a lot of different things and situations. I guess it might be part of my bi-polarity. I don't even know if that's a word but sometimes silly ones are the best words to describe something. I wonder sometimes what I'd do if I didn't have anything to fret over. My imagination is often very vivid and sometimes fools even my own reality. That said, there are days when I will take notice of it but choose to live in the fantasy of the creative lies crafted beautifully in my head rather than to face uncomfortable truths.

"The world is too insane for anyone to stay sane." I told her.

I am excited about one thing today. My hair is growing like 'whoa!' right now. It feels like just yesterday the roots were straight. I went to pick up a curling iron and a lot of it seems wavy and getting knappy at the roots already. My hair used to be all the way down my back until I ran into a bad hairdresser a few years ago and it hasn't really grown back that length since so that's kind of exciting. I think because I've been eating a lot more. When the summer hits and the weather gets warmer I start to eat like crazy. I would like to get in shape this summer. Not lose fat-wise, but my endurance and stamina are terrible. I will try to quit smoking. It will be hard, but I'll try and put my mind to it. I'd like to run again. It felt so good running 6 miles a day.

And I can't believe I just said that. Even worse, I recorded it in a blog. Mark this historical day.