blah, random update

There are times I wish I had something important to say or a earth shattering cause I could fulfil that was tied to my destiny but instead I find myself facing my increasing age moving faster than my ideals can take me.

The fact is depressing.

I feel change is imminent this year but really more so because my environment has to push me into an absolute corner before I'm willing to move. I wish I were more motivated. I'm not sure how one creates motivation or can increase upon it. Its one of those things that come from inspiration which usually has to be triggered in you by either an action or a person. Maybe I'm not surrounding myself with the right people?

If I conclude that's the case then that would mean my mother was right. And as much as she is right I don't like to acknowledge it.

"Friends," she says, "will do three things for you. Either pull you up, pull you down, or pull you along. Your friends just seem to pull you along."

This has probably been the fact for a good 4 yrs. I will say the past year I have expanded my friend collection into various sorts and it has been rather inspring in that sense. Frequent trips to New York city and a few to Philly have been refreshing. Changing up my scenery, trying new things, expanding my world views have all been helpful.

I can say though my biggest push would be this godforsaken job at this call center.

Its been the most unhealthiest experience and job I have ever had both mentally and physically. Seeing people gain weight (including myself a whole 20 lbs though you all still look at me angrily), people going on all sort of psychotropic medications of various types from the stress, people unable to spend time with their kids because its the only job (or one of the very few) that pay well out here without a college degree, people losing this job like flies due to the economy, people developing heavy smoking, drug, and alcohol problems, and Corporate America's bullshit politics.

This job is insane and it drives you insane.

It was never my intention to stay here long. Several traumatic things happened the past 3 yrs that caused a delay in my education. Not to go into details because it would take forever but one was being homeless a good chunk of a year.

Once I hit a rut its a bit hard for me to wanna push myself out of it. I am reminded, however, from the constant whining of people on a daily basis that life could be worse so I never complained so much as I just drowned myself in my own misery both secretly and quietly.

I'm feeling a bit better now. Life goes on.

Anyway, back to school in August. I think I'll make it under my "graduate before 30" goal.

There was no real point to this note. Just was bored at work and overcaffeinated. I may write a real note one day again. Thanks for reading. :-P