My desire to save one's eternity sometimes grows so strong, my compassion often turns into anger and frustration. It is the curse of my love for people.
When I fail and that anger sets in it reminds me I am ill-equipped in my knowledge to use the right words, say the right things at the right times.
It is a maddening experience and a depressing fact for me.
I feel I have let people down without them knowing unable to break through their chosen ignorance. Perhaps it is arrogant and self-aggrandizing for me to think that they need my help to begin with, but I cannot command my heart's feelings as it speaks to my soul.
My super-hero complex is on a level that is insane. I can't help but fear my own fading presence into the aging future. Being totally forgotten in the ground as my body turns to dust.
As I stare out at the world, I try to take in every second even if the moment seems insignificant. It is a tiring feat. I fight constantly against my own mind, argue with my memory to linger longer on everything my eyes set upon. When it fails, I feel its missing piece glaring at me like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. It is small compared to the thousand there, but that one piece is significant in finishing the complete picture.
I grow older, time grows wiser. But I still try to hold on to what is left of my fleeting youth. I envy the eyes of a child who's excitement grows with every new and little experience. I always try to look for the next best thing and run away from my responsibilities hoping to stay in the presence of my childhood a little longer. But the world turns and pushes me out onto my feet and turns the warm grass into cold, dark asphalt. Reality sets in. I am going to age and dye. It is a learning process trying to grow. And it is painful.
It is fearful aging
It is terrifying to fail.
But I tire of the childish things.
Alas my new adventure will be to conquer fading memory and find a way to immortalize myself by changing this world. I want to take those I love with me but deep down know I cannot. This is my venture. My journey. My fear.
For I fear mortality more than anything.
When I fail and that anger sets in it reminds me I am ill-equipped in my knowledge to use the right words, say the right things at the right times.
It is a maddening experience and a depressing fact for me.
I feel I have let people down without them knowing unable to break through their chosen ignorance. Perhaps it is arrogant and self-aggrandizing for me to think that they need my help to begin with, but I cannot command my heart's feelings as it speaks to my soul.
My super-hero complex is on a level that is insane. I can't help but fear my own fading presence into the aging future. Being totally forgotten in the ground as my body turns to dust.
As I stare out at the world, I try to take in every second even if the moment seems insignificant. It is a tiring feat. I fight constantly against my own mind, argue with my memory to linger longer on everything my eyes set upon. When it fails, I feel its missing piece glaring at me like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. It is small compared to the thousand there, but that one piece is significant in finishing the complete picture.
I grow older, time grows wiser. But I still try to hold on to what is left of my fleeting youth. I envy the eyes of a child who's excitement grows with every new and little experience. I always try to look for the next best thing and run away from my responsibilities hoping to stay in the presence of my childhood a little longer. But the world turns and pushes me out onto my feet and turns the warm grass into cold, dark asphalt. Reality sets in. I am going to age and dye. It is a learning process trying to grow. And it is painful.
It is fearful aging
It is terrifying to fail.
But I tire of the childish things.
Alas my new adventure will be to conquer fading memory and find a way to immortalize myself by changing this world. I want to take those I love with me but deep down know I cannot. This is my venture. My journey. My fear.
For I fear mortality more than anything.
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